My Brother’s Haiku: Low Brow #7
Posted on August 18, 2021 Leave a Comment
spring sparrow, seated
amidst tangles of blooming,
sun-slanted branches.
Written by Michael Wallick. Images rendered by big sleep AI. Curated by Mad Grad Dad.
Depression this week
Posted on August 16, 2021 Leave a Comment
Not much to say beyond the title. Didn’t do too much, to include the preparation of any kind of scheduled post, which is why this one is a day late.
That’s the shitty thing about depression. Not much happens, despite the effort. My body feels about twice the weight than it normally does. No ‘snapping out of it’ or ‘powering through it’, the way that well-meaning people talk about solutions to a problem they do not understand from the inside.
One thing worth mentioning about this round of depression is that it did have a very concrete cause, which isn’t always the case in my experience.
Since my manic episode 4/4.5 I have been on the antipsychotic, olanzapine. I have been tapering off steadily, but very slowly. I was on 7.5mg for over a month. At first, that dose was okay, I was still functional in most ways. Still tired, but functional despite. Eventually though, I felt heavier and heavier as I stayed on that dosage, so about 10 days ago I began tapering down to 5mg, and now down to 2.5mg. I did this after talking through it with my psychologist, my wife, and my psychiatrist. We all agreed that it was the right thing to do, as the side-effect of the antipsychotic was getting to be unbearably sedating.
So here I am now, at a lower dosage, feeling much better than I was just days ago. Now that I am more functional, I can reasonably expect that I will be more active on this blog project this week.
See you next time.
get hA.I.ku
Posted on August 14, 2021 Leave a Comment
strike one, strike two, ball
foul ball, ball, ball (three), full count
STI-RIKE THREE! YERR OUT!
Written and curated by Mad Grad Dad. Images rendered by big sleep AI.
https://mintable.app/art/item/untitled-haiku-2021/Y3_ZWnH5p3u8jOz
My Brother’s Haiku: Low Brow #6
Posted on August 11, 2021 Leave a Comment
an artist’s easel
is a sort of skeletal
thing, awaiting flesh.
Written by Michael Wallick. Images rendered by big sleep AI. Curated by Mad Grad Dad.
untitled portrait
Posted on August 10, 2021 Leave a Comment
https://mintable.app/Art/item/untitled-reddit-gets-drawn/FJm92DSDQQD30pi
untitled portrait
Posted on August 10, 2021 Leave a Comment
https://mintable.app/Art/item/untitled-reddit-gets-drawn/Hqj2RqjFWEOVdRj
untitled portrait
Posted on August 10, 2021 Leave a Comment
https://mintable.app/Art/item/untitled-reddit-gets-drawn/M9kvetvNBhPrCsg
untitled portrait
Posted on August 8, 2021 Leave a Comment
https://mintable.app/art/item/untitled-reddit-gets-drawn/u-rEaoc1YxxRfy2
untitled portrait
Posted on August 8, 2021 Leave a Comment
https://mintable.app/art/item/untitled-reddit-gets-drawn/B4o26d4Xl3zJ7gG
Stable Thought #2
Posted on August 8, 2021 Leave a Comment
A step away from my Manic Episode 4 thoughts this week, because I want to share and explore one that just came up… …am I stable? Is it a ‘stable’ thought..? …I am still drugged on olanzapine, but I guess I am stable-er than the average of the last few months… anyway, I digress…
On the day of this writing, I just posted three more portraits to Reddit on r/redditgetsdrawn, (including my favorite so far, and one that is definitely not my favorite). I have been practicing and posting portraits as frequently as I can for the last month or so, which started as a part of my introductory education about NFTs, and what it takes to make them (to ‘mint’ an NFT, they call it). I like some of my portraits more than others, but I post them all regardless. I trust that the more I do, the better I will get at doing them (a wild idea!).
I just posted one that I don’t like. The proportions are just not right, the teeth and mouth are still hella hard and gross. I don’t like it and I posted it. I posted something I don’t like. Why?
I did this because I want to get better. I have told myself that I will post my work, regardless of how I personally judge its quality. I am doing this because I want to lean on the promise that many people make about art, or getting good at anything: The process is more important than the result. Instead of only posting stuff that I think is good enough already, I want to be able to see my own progress, and to share my journey of learning a new skill with those who choose to turn in to my content. I want to be an example of someone who trusts the process of improving, regardless of the result.
So I posted my (imho) mediocre work. Then something expected happened. I started thinking, “What have I done!”, and started feeling tempted to take it down before anyone else would see it… but then I thought of something unexpected. Instead of taking it down, and slowing down my own output to… I don’t know… re-do it or something, I decided instead to lean into the production of my next thing. Stop thinking about how I didn’t meet my own expectations for the current piece, and move on to the next. I LOVE starting new things, so why dwell on one sub-standard piece, instead of plowing forward to the next? That is when I rendered and illustrated “The Hulk Cheats at Chess“, and slapped it on my front page. Now I don’t feel as self conscious, but I didn’t remove the mediocre portrait, I just buried it with more content!
I think I’ll keep this idea (for this stage): Speed and volume is more important than self-perceived ‘quality’ in content. When I produce stuff I don’t like, I will just post it, and move on, and keep posting, and posting, and posting…
See you next week!
MAD GRAD DAD 