Manic Episode 4: Idea #45

In my last post I wrote about maintaining an emergency kit or an emergency shopping list for sensory soothing products that really help me get by when I am manic. I have now created a fairly comprehensive list of products on my Amazon account for this purpose. My intent is not that I would actually use Amazon to order the items, because it would take much longer than a local purchase, but it’s just a safe and convenient place to keep a list where I won’t lose it. The next time that I begin elevating to a dangerous degree, I can just print the list and go buy them, or ask someone to do it for me. I won’t post the whole list here, but here are the top five items: peppermint and lavender essential oils, Ice Breakers Ice Cubes peppermint gum, Icy Hot pain relief cream, Spindrift sparkling water, and a big jar of Mezzetta Pepperoncinis. Brands don’t matter, these were just the ones I used last time.

Now for the thought for this week, Idea #45:

“…could I ask my dad for $4 to rent Master & Commander?”

Short thought, but definitely another keeper… let me explain.

Excessive spending is an extremely common problem that comes with being in a manic state. Luckily for me, my experiences with out-of-control spending have been relatively minor. I have made quite a few impulsive purchases over the course of my manic episodes. But compared to others, who have purchased $30,000 cars that they can’t afford, my purchases have not caused any real financial damage to me or my family.

Regardless of my experiences in past manic episodes, I still need to remain vigilant and prepared for my future episodes. I am doing the work now, by establishing safeguards to keep me from doing foolish things like buying a car I can’t afford, because every episode is different. Maybe I will feel like I “need” to in the future. I can’t expect the best, if I don’t prepare for the worst!

The thought above, about asking my dad for $4 to rent a movie, is part of my current strategy to control my own impulse spending when manic. I do not make any financial decisions, big or small.

In my most recent (fourth) manic episode (2020), I did very well to control my spending. The very moment that I identified that I was elevating, I immediately yielded all of my cards and cash, my computer, and my phone or any other way I could spend money, over to my family. Then, when my period of highest risk had passed, my family and I decided that I could have them back in my custody, because my risk of impulse spending was minimized. Even then, I was still very careful with any small normal purchases. I did not make any purchases of anything without telling someone first.

In my third manic episode (2020, about 18 months ago), my dad helped me get through it. He would help escort me to whatever I needed to do throughout the day, and just hung out with me when I was at home and in recovery. One thing we did together, to fill the uncomfortably dilated time, was watch the excellent 2003 nautical film, Master & Commander. When I was manic just a few months ago, I felt like I wanted to watch it again because of the good memory I have from enjoying it together with my dad. Despite the well-executed high action of the film, watching it was a soothing memory to revisit in my state. The only problem was that it was not available on my current streaming services, and only for rent via Amazon. I really wanted to watch, but it was a purchase that I would have had to make, and I REALLY didn’t want to spend any money without someone else knowing about it. Now, we are talking about $4. Not $30k. To me, it doesn’t matter.

Instead of scratching the itch I had to click the purchase button on the rental, I paused long enough to call my dad, tell him what was on my mind, and ask him for $4. Although he was a little confused about the request, it wasn’t an outrageous thing to ask for, and he was very happy to be able to help me out with something we enjoyed together. It was a little ask, with little risk, but it made a big impact to my mental recovery and my feelings of being supported by my family.

This habit of not making any purchasing decisions while manic, big or small, is something that I want to bring along with me future episodes.

See you next week!